My heart has become calloused and bruised, what was once welcoming and warm, has now been left uninviting and cold.
While I struggle to not let the past effect it, I begin to realize that it is already too late.
I have trusted, I have loved and I have lost, I have had my heart broken, time and time again.
I have given my all to someone, only to come out exhausted, broken and disheartened.
I have little to give to anyone, anymore, but am also beginning to realize my own worth, and know that I am worth far more than I have previously received.
Do I belong alone, is this my fate?
Will I ever be loved in the way that I am capable of loving?
Even if I were, how will I know, when my forever person has found me or I have found him?
I second guess my heart, which is a strange and unfamiliar feeling.
How will I know when it is meant to be, if I am so scared and reluctant to give the pieces of my heart freely?
How will I know if I can trust that it won't be torn to shreds only to be given back in tattered, torn and battered pieces once again?
Why is it that it is so hard and so scary to trust the good things?
Will I ever be able to trust without second guessing again?
How will I know if it is you that can soften this calloused heart once again?
How is it that I can be strong and independent, yet kind and selfeless and longing to be truly loved?
How do I not let the ones that have damaged this heart of mine and caused so much pain and hurt and distrust, interfere with my future?
How can I trust that you will not do the same, if given the opportunity, when I am SO terrified to have my heart broken once again?
Everyone seems to leave at some point or another, so why bother letting them in, only to have them leave?
Also, how can anyone love something so broken and so timid to receiving love?
Am I fooling myself into thinking it is possible, or am I sabotaging my one chance at finding it?
All I can do, is choose to take the leap of faith, and hope for the best, while discretely preparing for the worst.
Please, prove me wrong and be true, if nothing more than a friend comes of it, know that I will be okay with that.
All I ask is that you be upfront and honest with me, don't string me along, only to further damage what I am willing to give you of what is left of my heart, piece by piece, with time.
